Equinox: Release, Conserve

Breathe.
In.
Pause.

We hold our breath.
We hold ourselves together.
We hold onto our opinions and ideas.
We hold onto people and memories and clothes
and things… so many things…
We hold our identities.
We even hold onto the holding itself.

All around us it seems the world is raging, and so many of us hold ourselves and what we deem to be “ours” so tight it would seem our inner bodies walk around with white knuckled fists. We hold our constant vigil in among the raging with some aim to stake our place in the chaos. Everywhere I go (particularly online) I see it and feel it, I think we all do to whatever extent we are able to pay attention.

When we grasp toward ourselves, we simultaneously block anything to move in either direction - we deflect gifts offered and resist giving away our own gifts. We barricade off new knowledge and we defer from offering our own ideas freely without aggression or expectation. We cloud perception and function. We muddy the waters and prevent the possibility of space and renewal. When we grasp, we tend to create stagnation. We prevent the free movement of our biological functions, the free movement of ideas, of people and that of our own potential.

In recent months I have pondered in detail where I find myself grasping and have sought, repeatedly to loosen my grips. I do that because I feel how my tendency to cling burdens me, my health and mental state, and makes life far more claustrophobic. As I strive to unburden myself, I feel called to share these ideas with others, because I can sense how claustrophobic the world feels to some of the people I know and love, and it is impossible to miss in the wild west of the internet. We are living in a time where so many are holding onto everything.

Like a great breath that cannot be let go of.

What would it look like or feel like to let your exhale finally….

Release.

In my current studies for Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, I have been exploring living the seasons through the lens of echoing what nature models so effortlessly. After an expansive and extroverted summer, autumn begins to beckon us back toward the inner world that winter embodies so fully. Along the way, we reap the harvest of summer’s bounty and begin to store what we need for the colder months. In the midst of this is also an energy of our own letting go, just as the plants offer up their fruits so graciously. They create life and release their abundance so that we may nourish ourselves with it. We can, in turn, release those things we have built and brought to fruition to benefit others; or let go of anything that would otherwise create stasis.

By releasing, we give our body and mind space to foster the unknown, to make room for possibility, and to de-clutter our internal and external spaces. We make a home for new ideas and dialogues.

In Chinese Medicine the two organs associated with the metal season of autumn are the lungs and large intestine. When these systems are healthy, we have a rhythmic cycle of taking in and letting go. By supporting ourselves with ample movement and exercise, a whole food-based diet that follows the rhythms of the seasons and day/night cycles, as well as getting enough sleep and not overworking, we already lay the ground for our physiology to adapt well.

But beyond movement, diet, sleep and work-balance, there are deeper qualities that should also be attended to.

In autumn, one quality is releasing.

Releasing breath.
Releasing the fruits of our efforts to benefit others.
Releasing the tight grip we hold on opinions, ideas
Releasing Memories. Nostalgia.
Letting go of items collecting dust.
Releasing our need to change people or circumstances.
Releasing identities and our need to hold on at all.

As a friend so poetically shared with me recently, humans reach their own autumn when they start to realize their values.

Our values shape how we prioritize everything. They shape what we are willing to release into the world to share, and what we let go into the ether in order to transform into something new.

Our values also shape how we conserve, the second quality of autumnal energy. Conserving is how we seal off our energy to protect what is most vital to us. If trees held onto their fruit and leaves in fall, they would likely not survive the winter. The energy required to hold on would hinder what is required to seal off and protect what remains. The tree releases in order to gather its energy inward and renew itself for the following blossoming of spring. Its innate impulse to survive is so highly valued that it must appear dead for almost half the year.

For me, my values have never been clearer. Miya, our daughter, and our family as a unit is my highest value to protect and conserve. My studies of health through various lenses and my constant explorations of what is actually true take up the bulk of my time outside of family. Because I know what is most worthy to me, I then know what I can let go of; what I am willing to part with in order to preserve and protect these most precious aspects of my life.

Conserve. Conservation. Conservative.

If you spend any time online, you can recognize how ruthless and foul it is in many corners. It is an almost endless spewing of rage-baited algorithms, all designed to make you angrier and more alienated.

Designed to cause you to want to hold on ever-tighter to your opinions, your identity, your ego.

Designed to push fear and anger in your direction which naturally prompt your instinctual response of tribalism and hinder your capacity for openness and critical thinking.

And it is no longer just online but is clearly seeping into every aspect of life.

There is an entire multi-billion dollar industry profiting off of your rage. Profiting off of your claustrophobia. Encouraging you subliminally to

Never.
Let.
Go.

And yet the miracle in all of this is that you still have a choice, if you back yourself up enough out of the algorithm, out of your own strongholds to see and feel it.

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, all we need to do at this moment is look outside as the leaves change and fall to the ground to turn to soil. To witness the beauty of autumn’s harvest on our dinner plates and as we carve our Halloween pumpkins. We are nourished every day because of the simple and profound act of plants releasing their bounty as they return to conserving their own energy in the form of dormancy or of the seeds which will plant their future generations.

Our desire to conserve is innate and is a vital aspect of being a part of the natural order of things. It is the autumnal sibling to the spring of growing and building and taking in.

There is a time to build, to progress, to take in and hold on. And there is a time to let go and conserve.

If we cannot learn how to let go, if we cannot release our white-knuckled grip on all manner of things, I fear we will not survive the winter of this age. And if we continue to paint the autumn as the enemy of spring, we are losing sight of the natural order of things.

If any of this resonates with you…
Let yourself be drawn inward and allow your sap to conserve itself in the coming cold.
Take stock in what you value most, what is meaningful to you in your own life. Let go of the rest.
Release your grip on anything that could block your future potential and drain your energy.
After all, when you gaze over all that you cling so tightly to…
What will be remaining to hold onto

When you finally take

Your.
Last.

Exhale…